The hottest I’ve ever been.

It was the hottest day in July in the UK on record today.  I’m an Australian so I should be used to this but it wasn’t Melbourne hot, it was more like Sydney hot. Muggy and no fun.

While I sat in a cafe today waiting for a meeting to begin and conscious that sweat was running down my legs, I thought about the hottest I’ve ever been (that I can remember).

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Cloncurry- Outback Queensland

Cloncurry is small and lives off the reputation that it once had the hottest recorded rate of 53.1 c in 1889 (using a beer crate as measurement) but turns out it probably wasnt that hot, more like 46.9.

The day I went it was probably about 45 degrees c and I was going mad. I had driven up the Matilda Highway for hours and had that highway madness. Getting to Cloncurry for a rest was like being shoved in satan’s oven. I was blinded by heat, literally, it was that fuzzy. I parked in a supermarket car park and could barely make it inside the shop.

Once  I purchased what I thought was a juice, turns out it was a concentrated mixture you needed to mix with water. Who in their right mind would sell that in a small size and put it next to all the cans of soft drink???!! Some idiot. I knocked back that drink with all I had. Have you ever drank anything concentrated straight? It burns! It was horrible.

Attempting to walk up the one street (pictured above) I only made it two door down to get and ice-cream. I ran back to the car and drove the 5 doors down to the hotel. The lady in the hotel looked at me and said “You call this hot??!!!” and was met with a face full of thunder.

Dubai Airport

Dubai_International_Airport_Terminal_three

I was relocating back to Oz from the UK. I had no more room in my luggage so I had to wear my Ugg boots, my big knee-high Ugg boots. It was cold when I left the UK.

But landing in Dubai for some unknown reason the plane decided park up on the tarmac and make everyone walk to the airport. It felt like 300 degrees and I was in massive ugg boots. It was painful.

Torquay, Victoria.

backbeach(background)opt

It was the first and last time I ever got badly sunburnt. It was my first time away with no parental supervision, just lots of beer drinking bogans. One of them who thought it would be hilarious to just fashion sun cream into the Red Hot Chili Peppers logo, so even though the rest of his pale gingeresque skin would burn to a crisp, he would have a white symbol on his stomach. Hilarious….. I know I used to hang around with these people.

I bought my first bikini and then fell asleep face down on the beach on a 40 degree day. When I got home I thought I had sand rash I was itching so badly. My fathers unsympathetic reaction was “you got bloody sunburnt you frigin idiot!!!” It look days of agony and cold flannels to go down. First and last time ever.

Big Day Out – Melbourne.

Greenstage_bigdayout_crowd

In a mosh pit, at the height of summer, don’t do it. (In this photo there is a stand selling Chicken seafood burgers???)

How to beat the heat?

There is only one real way and it’s one from my childhood.

I always wanted a slip and slide, my dad being Maltese wouldn’t buy me one, so he made us a home-made death trap instead.

He took a massive roll of bin liners and laid them out on the grass. He held this down with 4 massive rocks that he used for “decoration” in his garden to hold the thing down.

Then he got some washing up detergent (pre mixed (weakened) with water, why use full strength? that’s another Maltese tip, my pleasure) and sprayed it all over the bin liners. Turned on the garden hose to make it slippy, and in the rare occasion he was feeling “extravagant” to waste a bit of water, he would turn on the sprinkler and leave it at the end so we could either smash into that or the rocks when we “slid” down it.

It got messy, we needed plasters.

My Dad never took us to any water parks so we had to make do with this. I don’t recommend it.

oh looking online it’s all the rage now, just without the rocks.

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9 thoughts on “The hottest I’ve ever been.

  1. Lesley says:

    Very funny. I love the story about the slip and side. Your dad sounds more of a tightwad then mine. I remember being highly embarrassed one summer when he tried to get me through the gates to Stonehenge on the reduced child rate when I was clearly a teenager!

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  2. Colesworth says:

    love the stories! I’ve done Big Day out in sydney many years, but the one year I went to the gold coast was the worst. At the main stage it just felt like I was in a giant wok! We also had the home made slip and slide, but Mum went to Bunnings and got a whole roll of polypropylene sheeting and we were allowed to use full strenth trix dish wash, no rocks! Got badly burnt in NZ once, didn’t realise there was a big hole in the ozone layer over the south island?

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      • Colesworth says:

        Water jets were the only good thing about the mosh pit. That plastic and dish wash was a Xmas present to my sister and I one year, I guess she went all out. Not sure if franklins or bi lo are around. There are Aldis everywhere now!

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